How To Negotiate Emotions
Do you have a colleague, friend, family member, or spouse who pushes your buttons?
Just when you think things are chugging along nicely, that person says or does something that sends your emotions soaring?
If you are like me, controlling emotional responses can be challenging. I feel my heart race, my face burn, and sometimes I struggle not to lash out. Over the years, and by reading a multitude of books and articles on emotional intelligence, I have found some tools to help aid my distress and, hopefully, more effectively manage my emotional responses (although my husband may argue this point :).
For leaders, learning to negotiate our own and others’ emotions effectively requires a thoughtful and strategic approach. #LearningLeadership has a helpful summary of some of the practices that can guide you through this process:
Disarm with Kindness
Responding with kindness can diffuse tension and create a more open environment for dialogue. It helps to lower defenses and encourages positive interactions.Seek Clarity First
Before reacting, ensure you understand the situation fully. Ask questions and listen attentively to clarify intentions and feelings.Observe, Don’t Absorb
Maintain emotional boundaries by observing others’ emotions without internalizing or taking them personally. This allows you to remain calm and objective.Slow Everything Down
Take your time in responding to emotional situations. Pausing helps prevent impulsive reactions and promotes thoughtful communication.Find Common Ground
Look for points of agreement or shared interests. Establishing commonality can foster cooperation and reduce emotional friction.It’s Not About You
Recognize that others’ emotions often arise from their own experiences and perspectives. Avoid personalizing their reactions to maintain composure.Feedback Is Data, Not Fact
Take feedback as information to consider rather than the absolute truth. This mindset encourages openness to learning without emotional defensiveness.Communicate Honestly
Honesty builds trust and helps resolve misunderstandings rooted in emotional responses. Try to be truthful and transparent in your communications.Respectfully Deflect and Distance
When emotions run high, sometimes stepping back respectfully can prevent escalation. Taking space allows all parties time to cool down and reflect.
Leaders who incorporate these strategies enhance their emotional intelligence and encourage more productive interactions in professional and personal settings. As leaders, we also need to learn to model these strategies at work and at home. If we do, we are rewarded with more harmonious work and home lives. Just ask my husband :)
